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Looking ahead and driving myself crazy

I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m in this mode where I’m making sure all my laundry is ready, all the meals and lunches are planned..ie..counting carbs to compensate for the constant changes in activity, checking that all the physical therapy stuff is ready, school work is done, etc. I’m not afraid to admit I have tendencies towards obsessive compulsive disorder. I can’t fully rest until all my ducks are in a row, that includes spotless baseboards and symmetrical shoe laces. I adjust my shoe laces constantly. I can’t run if they’re not symmetrical.

Speaking of shoes. My first run was in an old pair of Adidas. They had many walking miles and were not the best start for me.

Now, my favorite shoes are my Brooks Adreanalines. I wear the GTS for road and the ASR for trail. I love the responsiveness of both of them 🙂

The compulsions got worse when I stopped running. And through these last few months, I’ve made a startling discovery about myself. Control. It all stems from control. After all, I started running because I couldn’t control the dreams. One night, I couldn’t take them anymore and I put on some khaki shorts and an old navy t-shirt and went to a local park and started running loops. I wore myself out, went home, and slept for 4 hours. I awoke a brand new woman. I had found a way to control the dreams.

More later. . .

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Another day with Mr. Masochism