It was a couple of days after Christmas and I sat by the fire with coffee flowing fast and furious. I had the too-familiar feelings of being overwhelmed and frozen at the same time. I’m overwhelmed by all the possibilities the new year holds, all the things I want to accomplish, & everything that I want to get started in this new year. It’s deeply debilitating, to the point that I have so many things I want and need to do that I actually do nothing.
This is really how I feel everyday. Nothing is done. I have a very creative mind and yet I battle mental distractions constantly. But struggling with these distractions and the anxiety that comes with them can be debilitating, making me feel stuck. Frozen. Motivation drains away and I spend a lot of my time feeling and dealing with being aimless. Mentally wandering.
I stopped making “resolutions” a few years ago. They were usually broad and not really doable and I honestly forgot about them by March. Instead, I pick a word for the year. The reasoning is that having one focus word helps to keep priorities in order, encourage action, and promote growth. Instead of a list of broad and vague resolutions, I’m sticking with a word.
1. the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.
2.an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.
3. determination; resoluteness.
What does this mean? It’s Choosing. Choosing the be productive. Choosing to accomplish specific tasks. Choosing to reflect, evaluate, make decisions. It’s being awake and aware and purposeful. Make a choice. Make a decision. Go with it. Stop being passive and mentally frozen and wandering and aimless.
Yesterday, I briefly hinted at some changes I am making to this blog and that fits in perfectly with intention. My big supply of planners and schedules and lists and notebooks are now going to be utilized to the fullest. There is a bone-deep satisfaction with physically crossing items of a paper list. I’ve been this way since a child when I played “school” and “dr receptionist” and “tax evasion investigator”. I’m no longer a kid playing, but it’s sad to know that I was better at finishing tasks and crossing lists as a kid than I am now.
I no longer live in a tin can on wheels. Normal daily tasks around cooking and maintaining our new house have tripled and I’m overwhelmingly giddy about that. We now have the house of our dreams and my kitchen alone is still something I have to pinch myself to realize it’s ours. “clean the house” is no longer a 10 minute pick-up around the RV. It’s a list of smaller tasks that I need to spread over a week.
Health and fitness goals this year will take some planning, focus, and drive. PRs in race times will not happen by accident. I’m no longer content to just run around the track at the park and call it done. I’m thirsty for data, numbers, comparisons to my previous runs. What worked yesterday? Why is today a suck fest? Am I tired? Am I injured? Am I bored? These answers require data, facts, and reflection. I have gadgets and planners for that. It’s time to use them.
There is a long trail of 364 days left and I could easily sit and waste them away by thinking about doing things. Living with purpose and intention means DOING more than doing NOTHING. And I am ready to take on everything this year has in store for me.