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Now what?

That’s pretty much all I have been asking myself lately since we found out the sad news. It’s this inner war between refusing to feel anything vs letting the overwhelming waves of emotions (thanks hormones) take over. It seems the longer I try to block out the feelings, the worse they are when I can’t ignore them. This will take time, I know this in my mind. But when I’m happily reading Pinterest for school ideas one minute and deep ugly sobbing the next, it’s hard to feel in control of anything. One minute, I’m perfectly fine and acknowledging that it’s okay to be sad. The next minute, I feel like I’ve fallen in the deep well that I’m sitting on the edge. It helps having a very strong support system at home, work, church, and from perfect strangers on Facebook.

I’m plugging away with day-in-the-life posts because that’s all I can do right now. I want to get back to topical informational posts and I will soon. This week is going to be school, recipes, cookbook reviews (2 GREAT releases coming up that I have been drooling over!), and…yoga. Yep. I’m going to attempt some stretching and yoga with some walking this week. I’ve been cleared to do some moderate walking in addition to the 12-13K steps I get at work. And I need to stretch out these old muscles.

Can you believe this? I have been eyeing the calendar for MONTHS for SEC football and it’s 5 nights away. I need to get my head out of my empty bowl of ice cream and savor the anticipation to my favorite time of year. The first SEC game is Thursday and my town of Tuscaloosa, AL will be rocking and rolling all the way to Hotlanta on Saturday.

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What have I been eating lately? Soup, chocolate, and grits. Comfort foods. Easy to eat just a little and save the rest for later.

Today, in a fit of haze leftover from anesthesia+high fever, I made brownies. It took forever. I had to stir and sit down. Get more chocolate and sit down. Turn on the oven, sit. You get the picture. But Lola got a workout and so did I. The end result is the best brownies I have ever made. Way too rich to finish this piece but I know where the pan is if I want more.

brownie mix

brownie

Soup for me and soup for…me. Nobody else wanted any. Stephen likes chips and salsa and Frankie only eats bacon and cat food.

soup

potatosoup

And finally. grits. These have been “banned” from our breakfast line. Get real. This is the south. You can’t keep a pan of grits away from a horde of teachers. I made these with eggs and bacon. This is definitely a long-term comfort food. I have many memories dating back as far as I can remember of my grandmothers, great-grandmothers, Momma, and even my father making or bringing me grits with butter and cheese. (these particular pics are terrible. I have better ones buried in recipes for shrimp n’ grits).

grits

grits2

Waiting for better days, reaching out to Stephen and my family, and eating whatever I feel like I can keep down. We will get through this. And be stronger for it.

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Amanda M.

Monday 25th of August 2014

I'm really sorry about your loss. I can only imagine the frustrations you are going through. We're all here to support you. PS-Your soup looks REALLY good.

Katrina

Tuesday 26th of August 2014

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughtful words. :)